I'm going to marry your baby, Chrom!
by Greenx91
Summary: Robin is going to marry Lucina... the four-year-old. Chrom fainted upon hearing the news. A stupid story that shouldn't be taken too seriously. Definitely not what you're expecting here. NOW WITH A BONUS CHAPTER! I'm going to become a man, Chrom!
1. Chapter 1

Chrom opened his eyes. He was staring up at the castle's ceiling. He remembered hearing something shocking and then fainting. What was it?

"Oh! His eyes are open!"

"Chrom? Honey? Are you all right?"

"Father! Do you need help getting up?"

"…yes, I'm okay. No, Lucina, I don't need any help getting up." He picked himself up and slowly extended his body to stand up. "Can anyone just tell me what hap-"

Then he saw it.

Then he saw _them_.

His best friend and tactician Robin with a hand on his daughter's shoulder… his four-year-old daughter.

"Oh…" he muttered. " _Oh…."_ He repeated in a deeper voice. He pointed at Robin. "You! Robin! You are _not_ going to marry my baby daughter!"

"I figured you didn't agree," Robin said. "Not many people will turn red and faint after such a happy announcement."

"Happy? Robin, this is an abomination!"

Many of the shepherds were here for Robin's announcement. Many of them gasped. Hearing them, Chrom raised in eyebrow. "Why were you all shocked? Don't you all agree?"

"Now why would we do that?" Cordelia said. "Chrom, I am shocked. How can you see such a beautiful unit like Robin and Lucina and call it an abomination?"

Robin stepped in between Cordelia and Chrom. "Now, now, let's all be mature about this. Chrom is our friend, so let's all just try to help understand this big change to him."

"There's nothing to discuss! She's just a baby, Robin!"

"To be more accurate, a toddler, Chrom."

"Whatever!"

"Chrom, please, let's calm down. We're friends, aren't we?"

" _Were_ friends, Robin! I can't accept you after you disgraced me like this!"

The shepherds frowned and started talking amongst themselves.

"How horrible."

"He's just going to stop being his friend because of _one_ thing he doesn't like? Disgusting.

"Poor Robin and Lucina."

"Chrom," Robin said, "please, just tell me what is so wrong about Lucina and me loving each other? Please give an actual reason than just "It's wrong" or "She's a baby" Chrom. I really want to know what you find so wrong about this."

Hearing Robin speak so calmly about this, Chrom also heard a bit of sadness in it. Reluctantly, he accepted Robin's request. "A reason why this is wrong, huh? How about the fact that Lucina doesn't even know what a marriage is?"

Robin immediately turned to his love and asked, "Honey, what's a marriage?"

The four-year-old smiled and responded, "It means living together with the person you love forever! I love you Uncle Robin!"

"She just called you uncle!"

"Chrom, titles like 'uncle' or 'exalt' don't have a meaning when it comes to love. Sumia has no royal blood, yet you gladly married her."

Sumia stepped forward. "That's right, love. You did propose to me, just like Robin proposed to Lucina."

Chrom stared at Sumia, trying to his best not to look angry at her. " _You_ support this?"

"Of course I do."

Chrom clenched his teeth and went back to yelling at Robin. "That's different! Lucina is too young to understand what any of this means!"

The smaller Lucina spoke up again. "But Daddy! I love Robin a lot like you! He makes me laugh and plays with me all the time!"

"That better not mean what I think it means!"

"Robin loves me too and I want to be with him forever!"

"Lucina, listen to Daddy: You're too young to understand what any of this means! Do you even know what 'love' means?"

"It means super like! Like how I really like to play house with Robin!"

Robin intervened again. "By the way, Chrom, do _you_ have an accurate description of love that we can _all_ agree on?"

"Perhaps not, but I'm certain that it's a lot more complex than 'liking to play house with Robin'!"

Suddenly, Ricken popped up to speak his mind. "Lucina might not completely understand what she's feeling or what's happening, but it's something to be embraced, Chrom! I've never told anyone this, but ever since I was a child, I've want to be a girl. I would dress up like one, play with girly dolls, but my parents told me I was confused and-"

"Don't you dare compare this problem with that problem!"

Completely shut down, Ricken slowly sat down and the shepherds got even angrier.

"Poor Ricken. How can Chrom be so cruel?"

"I never thought m'lord to be such a bigot."

"The old timers still stuck on old times."

"Old times?" Chrom repeated.

Robin nodded and explained. "That's right. Chrom, maybe growing up, you saw adults marrying other adults and thought to yourself 'yes, that's normal'. However, as time moves forward, the norm changes, and often for the better. People are becoming more advance Chrom and, as such, we have to look forward and think progressively. There was a time when people could only marry people of the same country, but we've gone past that. There was a time man could only marry another woman, but that has changed now."

"But in those cases, the two are _rationale adults_ , Robin!"

"I'm a Russian old dolt too Daddy!"

"No! No you aren't! Robin, I don't want to advertise it like this, but we also have Lucina from the future here-"

Caught off guard, Lucina flinched and took a step back.

"She's had feelings for you for quite a bit. Why can't you go marry her?"

"Father!" the older Lucina marched forward. "I admit that I had feelings for Robin, but I can't change who he is: A man who loves my younger self! I've accepted that."

"Well I haven't!"

"Daddy!" the younger Lucina said, "please stop being so angry!"

"Little Lucina, that is the _last_ time you speak to me like that! If you marry Robin, you are going to regret it for the rest of your life and I will _never_ speak to you again!"

His anger more personal and his threat so heartbreaking, Lucina started crying and covering her eyes with her left arm.

Now Robin was starting to get angry. "Chrom, that is enough! What is so difficult for you to understand? Everyone here, and I mean _**everyone**_ here accepts us. Why are you _**so**_ certain about being right when the whole world can see past your stupid perceptions of normality?"

"Because…! Because…!"

Chrom was losing it. The stares of his fellow comrades, and even family, were getting sharper and sharper. What would happen if he did not accept this horrible union against the gods and nature? Would he lose everyone here? Be rejected and ostracized, never to be happily acknowledged again? Even if he did not want to accept the present Lucina for the time, would he lose her for good if he does not tell her that he's okay with the whole thing.

He looked around and saw the hate everyone was giving him. From his wife, to his own flesh-and-blood from the future, did he see hate.

He finally continued speaking.

"Because… I just find it too odd… but you're right. All of you. I can see now how stubborn I am for thinking this way."

It killed him to say these things.

"Times are changing, and now, so do I. I can see now that… you and Lucina are very much in love with each other. I may not see it as normal, but what does that matter? You two are in love and that's… all that matters."

Like a spell had been broken, everyone started smiling. Some even cheered.

"Finally! He's convinced!"

"If only everyone could be so open-minded like you, Chrom!"

"Hooray!"

They all cheered and Chrom almost wanted to smile, but seeing Robin kiss his four-year-old daughter only wanted to make him cry.

Later in the week, Robin and Lucina had the wedding. Chrom tearfully gave her away to Robin.

A year later, Sumia gave Chrom another daughter. He prayed that she did not turn out like her sister.

About a decade later, Lucina gave birth to their daughter, Morgan. Everyone called Morgan a symbol of love and rejoiced. Chrom initially wanted to have nothing to do with Morgan, but decided that he should not punish her because of her parents.

As time passed, he grew to simply stop caring about Robin and Lucina. He would feign any emotion when necessary, but in the end, he felt persecuted. If word ever got out that he never accepted them in the first place, he would be hated.

Nobody wants to be hated.

* * *

And then he woke up.

* * *

"Huh?"

His eyes opened. He was staring at the night sky now. The ground felt muddy. He realized now he was outside.

"Oh good. He's finally awake," a male voice said.

"Father! Are you alright? Can you stand up?" a female voice said.

"…Robin? Lucina?"

He raised his neck to see that, indeed, his tactician and daughter from the future was with him. Slowly and cautiously, he stood up.

Robin and Lucina let out a small sigh.

"What a relief. It doesn't look like anything is wrong."

"Do you feel fine, father?"

"…yes, but, just to make sure, we are in Valm, correct?"

"Yes?"

"Good, good. By the way… Robin… did you or Lucina just tell me about a marriage between you two?"

Both Robin and Lucina blushed and looked down.

"Um, yes. Lucina and I came to tell you that we've grown to love each other and-"

"-and I wanted your blessings," said Lucina. "Robin didn't want to feel like he betrayed you and he agreed that we should ask you."

Robin frowned. "You… you took it pretty hard there, Chrom. I never thought you would have hated the idea so much."

"Father…" was the only thing Lucina could say. Though she loved Robin with all of her heart and still wanted to marry him, seeing her father so opposed pained her deeply.

Chrom saw them saddened and quickly spoke up. "It's a shock, yes, but that's it. It's just a… surprise, is all. I never would have imagined my trusted companion and my daughter… from the _future_ would end up together, but I have no complaints."

"Hm?"

"Y-you mean it?"

"Yes. You two are _both_ rationale adults and I'm happy the two of you have concluded that you two love each other."

Robin and Lucina smiled and all three celebrated. Some jokes were cracked about Chrom fainting, to which Chrom responded by teasing the two about their future plans. When all was said and done, Robin and Lucina were about to leave.

"Lucina," Chrom said. "Could leave Robin and I alone for a bit? Just for a moment."

Lucina frowned. "I suppose… you won't threaten him, will you?"

"More of a discussion, really."

"Alright then… just please scare him. Good night, Father."

"Good night, Lucina."

She left, leaving Chrom and Robin alone.

"You seem awfully scary right now," Robin noted.

"That's because I'm awfully scared right now," Chrom explained.

"What?"

"Robin, when I fainted, I had a dream where… you had told me that you and Lucina were to get married."

Robin was confused at first, but then laughed. "Heh, this is no dream, Chrom."

"I'm serious. The Lucina you were marrying was not this one but… the baby I have here, in the present."

"…oh?"

Chrom proceeded to explain the dream and Robin listened to the uncomfortable tale.

"Robin, I have to ask, what do you think about a full-grown adult marrying a toddler?"

Robin thought for a moment. "I… I would have to say it's revolting. Although age difference shouldn't be an issue, stages of life is a different matter. A toddle will never understand complex ideas like love or good to the degree a person with much life experience and education does. The Robin in your dream sounds like he's just brainwashing her."

"So do you think or know it's wrong to marry a toddler?"

"I know."

Chrom liked the answer. Satisfied, he moved on to the following question.

"What if, then, you know it's wrong, but the whole world is convinced it's right? No, wait, for that matter, what truly is right or wrong in this world? Is it what we _think_ is right or wrong, or what everyone else accepts is right or wrong?"

"You're going beyond my scopes of thinking and expertise now, Chrom. You're starting to ask questions nobody will ever know the answers to."

"It's… almost a bit scary to think that there are questions and ideas we'll never have a grasp on in the history of time. How many years and times has the question "What's right?" been asked and never given a _truly_ correct answer?"

"Hard to say, but let's not think about that. We're not philosophers after all."

"No, I suppose you're right. You can go now."

"Right. Just one last question, Chrom."

"Yes?"

"That dream… didn't convince you to give us your blessing like you're giving up, right?"

"…no. My daughter is marrying a man I fully trust. You're both adults and you don't seem like you might be brainwashing my daughter. What more can a father ask for?"

"I see… good night, Chrom."

"Good night, Robin."

That night, Chrom dreamt he was killed for interfering with another kingdom's problem. He wasn't doing the right thing, they said.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **-This was supposed to be a comedy, but it somehow turned into... this! Let's see, first I was thinking of SJWs, then that one philosopher guy came to mind. Y'know, the one who likes to fuck with people's perceptions of their arbitrary ethics. I suppose I was just trying to mimic him or something. (Peter Singer comes to mind, but I don't think that's the guy.)**_

 _ **-Please don't take this seriously. This was supposed to be uploaded three hours ago and I already forgot what I wrote here. If I don't remember it, it mustn't have been anything to important.**_

 _ **-Somehow, I still like the pairing. Thank goodness for time travel?**_

 _ **-Really though, if I was a father and I had a friend I knew was a good person, I wouldn't mind him being in a relationship with my daughter... as long as she's 30. Any younger and I would have to consider age difference (as if I had any say in the hypothetical matter).**_

 _ **-Sphaghettio's**_


	2. I'm going to be a man, Chrom!

In another world, not unlike the one before, sleeps a young exalt with his wife and tactician by his side. It's been an hour since he fell asleep, but his other half remained awake.

"I guess it's now or never," she said. She grabbed her soon to be ex-husband by the arm and shook him. "Chrom? Oh, Chrom?"

"Hmm? Mm, is something the matter dear?" He slowly lifted his torso up. "Are we under attack? Is Lucina trying to run away again? Is Frederic watching us sleep?"

She looked at him and smiled. Seeing him wake mid-sleep made him look like he had been beat up and it was a cute look to her. "All three of those things happened, but I've taken care of them all."

As if the beat-up look wasn't a weird enough look for him, he smiled with his eyes still closed, making him look like the living dead… also known as the Risen. "You really are an amazing woman, you know that?"

She frowned.

"So, what did you wake me up for? Is something on your mind?" His smile grew, enough to let the lewdness leak out of his teeth. "Or were you in the mood for some loving connection? The kind only a husband and wife can have?"

Robin sighed and said one of the worst thing any young man could ever hear. "I'm afraid we won't be doing that ever again."

Both of his lips dropped. "What?"

"In fact, I believe today will be the last day we'll be married."

His heart stopped.

"I… I have a confession, Chrom."

His world began to tremble.

"I want to become a man."

Finally, his lungs exploded in laughter.

"Ha, ha, ha!" The laughter was clearly fake. "Incredible! You really had me going there, Robin! Here I am, thinking you might possibly leave me for a man, but then you pulled the rug right under me and say you're going to become a man! Ha, ha, ha!"

She knitted her brows. "This isn't something I would joke-"

"I love jokes!"

She slapped him and continued. "I know this is hard to take in, but I really do want to become a man.

Quickly, tears began to flood, with obvious help from Robin's hand. "B-but, why!? How? Why?"

"My motives, huh? Well, to put my feeling simply… I'm just bored."

"What? Bored? You're throwing our marriage away because you're bored?" He jumped out of bed and kneeled over it. He clasped his hands together and begged, "Please! Please tell me that's not it! I know I might be a little bland compared to other lords, but-"

She quickly realized his mistakes and corrected him as fast as she could. "No, no, no! You've got it all wrong, sweetie! I don't want to become a man because I'm bored of you… specifically."

"Specifically!?"

"To be honest," she looked up towards nothing but the ceiling, "I'm more bored of everything the way it is now.

"What?" was quickly becoming Chrom's new catchphrase here.

"You know, ever since we took down the fell dragon, I've been kinda bored. I've seen names and brethren come and go, and I'm happy for all of their efforts, but I'm bored now. It feels like once you and Lissa found me in the fields once again, life kind of just… 'blacked out'. I felt like my life just ended, like it lost all meaning."

"But you still hold so much meaning to me, my love!" Chrom grabbed her hand. "Please, just stop with this nonsense!"

Robin forcibly took his hand off of her own and got out of bed. "I thought it was nonsense too, but the more I try to convince myself, the more empty I feel. Did I miss strategizing? Did I want more conflict to happen? Both? Unfortunately, I think it is both. Even more unfortunate is that I really can't do one or the other unless I'm the threat itself… again."

Chrom got out of bed and followed Robin, who was slowly walking away.

"With this problem presented, I just started fantasizing about it. Fantasizing about strategy… that is so me, isn't it?"

"It sure is," Chrom said gloomily.

"It's too bad I'm no good at imagining new problems... and that's when I realized, 'Hey! Why not fantasize about past events?'"

"Fantasize about… past events?" The broken record said.

"Exactly! I mean, you know how I always favored certain units over others and got them more involved in my strategies? I started wondering, 'What if I had used Ricken over Tharja?' and then 'What if I got rid of the mages all together and focus more on brute strength?' and 'Why bother pairing up when it makes the battle _too_ easy?'"

She stopped walking. She stood in front of a window and looked up to the moon.

"Finally, I began to wonder how my relationships with people would change if I were a man."

"Nothing," Chrom muttered. "Nothing would change. You'd still be the same Robin."

"Possibly, but at the very least _our_ relationship would be different."

"Possibly," he muttered back. "But you don't know… You don't know that I wouldn't have fallen in love with you anyway, despite being a man."

"I know you well enough to know that's not true. You're strictly attracted to women only."

He frowned. "And you? Is it possible you are interested in both sex? Could a woman be the real reason you want to be a man?"

Such a thought never occurred to her. She pondered for a moment before answering. "I hadn't thought that far ahead. Although, thinking about it a little more, I think Lucina is an excellent candidate for my male counterpart's lover."

"What!? Our daughter!? First off, how would she even exist without you and me together!?"

"I've talked with Miriel about this subject before. We've concluded that other than hair, genetics are a myth and our children are hard-wired to a single parent's genetic 'code'. Lucina is awfully similar to you, so…"

"But to even consider our daughter as a lover!?"

"I'm sure if I was a man first, it would be just as weird to Lucina if my male counterpart told her that my female counterpart would likely have her father as her lover."

"Enough with this! You aren't a man to begin with and you aren't a man to end with either! I demand you to stop talking about this and to please come back to bed!"

A tear slid down her cheek. Still looking at the moon, she said, "I'm afraid that's not your choice to make."

Chrom heard a footstep that was almost near to his ears. He looked at his wife's leg and noticed one had climbed the window.

"Robin!"

"I've spoken with Tiki and Naga, Chrom! They say if I walk towards the moon at night, that I will be reborn! I just need to erase myself!"

Now both feet were at the window.

"Robin! What are you doing!? Get down!"

He ran to her, but a sudden gush of wind entered the castle and pushed him down.

"There's nothing you can do now, Chrom. This is my decision."

She took a step towards nothingness.

"And my decision is to-"

Her other leg lifted and she began to fall down. She didn't remember how Emmeryn fell exactly, but she replicated her fall to the best of her abilities. She needed to crack open her skull after all. She didn't want a slow death, an opportunity to regret her decision. She needed it to be done quick and fast.

"Reawaken!"

"Robin!"

The three seconds between her exit and her end lasted an eternity for Chrom. The feeling of despair and helplessness he experienced when Emmeryn fell came back. All he could was watch when he saw his friend, his partner, his love fall.

Finally, a loud thump occurred. Both of their heads had cracked.

* * *

And then he woke up.

* * *

"Chrom, we have to do SOMETHING."

It was done. Robin got what they desired.

"What do you propose we do?

They threw all away of their hard work, their relationships, their attachment to the one they know as Robin.

"I... I dunno."

To relive the same life.

"I see you're awake now."

Was it truly because they were curious of different possibilities?

"There are better places to take a nap than on the ground, you know."

Or did they just not want to... forget.

"Give me your hand."

And so began... a new game.

"Welcome back. It's over now."

"...damn it! I did it wrong!"

She grabbed her levin sword and stabbed herself.

* * *

 **A/N- Okay, just a crap sequel, nothing special. More mixture of SJW issues and game mechanics. Nothing serious so don't treat it as such. I've been wanting to write this for a bit because I get a spontaneous favorite alert every 5 months or so. Here ya go.**


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